The following is based on a term paper I wrote for a class at Mount Olive College in 1988 detailing the funeral customs of the Caton community in Craven County and is slightly changed…
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“…it is appointed unto men once to die…” (Hebrews 9:27)
In the small community of Caton, death strikes about every three or four years. It is during this period of grief that the community comes together and shows the family of the deceased its Christian charity. From the moments immediately following the death of a fellow neighbor until days after the funeral ritual, a strong bond of neighborliness exerts itself in the community.
Before the practice of embalming became widespread, the family members of the deceased asked a neighbor to prepare the body for burial. Men often prepared the bodies for males, and women prepared females. Mary Whitford Toler was often asked to help prepare the body to be laid in the coffin, made by her husband, Joshua Allen Toler (interview by the author with Doris Toler, October 23, 1988). The body was washed, then dressed, and large pennies or quarters were placed on the eyes to hold the eyelids closed (interview with Diccie Ipock, December 8, 1988).
In early days, neighbors made the coffin. One of the men who made coffins included Joshua Allen Toler. When told of a death, Toler began the process of building. First he soaked wood in water so it could be curved into shape. Next, he measured the body and built the coffin to the custom specifications. Metal handles were added to the outside of the casket. For finishing touches, women in the neighborhood lined the coffin with cotton and cloth to make the plain box more aesthetic (Toler and Ipock interviews).
Another manifestation of neighborliness presented itself in the digging of the grave. Still today, usually on the day of the funeral, the men of the neighborhood arise at dawn. Armed with shovels, wheelbarrows, and other needed tools, they congregate at the specified cemetery, to the place desired by the next of kin, to begin the task of digging. This is more a time of socializing than of work since no more than four or five can work at the time and sometimes as many as twenty men show up at the graveyard. While the grave is being dug by two men, and two or three are pushing wheelbarrows of dirt away from the grave, others tell jokes, remember past encounters with the deceased, and recount local history of those buried nearby. [A future post will detail the digging of the grave.]
While the menfolk are busy digging the grave, the women occupied themselves at home preparing food to take to the next of kin. This custom began, according to Diccie Ipock, at the death of Bill Toler in 1951. It was then that Bernice Toler and her mother-in-law, Mary Whitford Toler, fixed deviled eggs along with radishes, while Mrs. Susie Whitford carried fried chicken. Today, chicken, casseroles, cooked vegetables, cakes, and so on, are taken to the next of kin on the day of the funeral for lunch or supper. Ladies from the church helped serve the meals. It is during the carrying of the food, that condolences are given to the family.
The custom of sitting up with the dead is no longer practiced in the Caton community. The last time Diccie Ipock remembered anyone sitting up was with her Uncle Bryan Stilley, who died in 1949. When asked the purpose of sitting, Ipock answered, “Just to be with the people [the family] so they wouldn’t be alone.” According to Doris Toler, from as many as four to as few as one sat with the dead all night, each night, until the funeral service. Many times that was just for one night, but at times (after embalming) up to three days passed before interment. This custom was replaced by visitation with the family at the funeral home on the eve of the burial.
Originally, the preacher performed the funeral service at the graveside; or, in the case of William Joyner Stilley, on the front porch of his home (Ipock interview). A few verses from the Bible were read, a few words spoken on the character of the deceased, the grave wrapped up, and everyone went along their way. Then came a period when most services were held in the local church. After singing and the eulogy, everyone would get into his car and drive to the cemetery, or walk if it was nearby. Today the practice of graveside services is making a comeback.
After the rites have been performed, members of the immediate family leave the cemetery, going home to prepare for visitors. Meanwhile, if weather permits, nearly everyone else remains. Some begin the task of filling-in the grave, while others just stand around talking with friends and relations. Eventually, everyone leaves the cemetery, the flowers are arranged on the plot. The family may returns to the cemetery to view the flowers freshly arranged.
In medieval times, men were chosen to hold the corners of a heavy cloth draped over the casket of the deceased. This cloth was the pall, and the bearers–pall bearers. Over time the function of the pall bearer changed to involve carrying the coffin itself. In Caton that meant carrying the coffin from the hearse (or in early days from the horse and cart) to the grave and lowering the casket into the grave. Six men perform this duty and are usually friends of the deceased, asked by next of kin to carry through this task. Sometimes, as in the case of Silas Ronald Toler, family members are asked to act as pall bearers. At his funeral, one nephew from each family of his brothers and sister acted as bearer.
The practice of sending flowers is relatively new in Caton. Doris Toler remembered the first flowers did not appear until the 1930s. Then, it was a homemade cedar wreath decorated with crepe paper flowers made by Mrs. Mattie Jones. At other times, flowers picked from the garden were used. Not until after the church started to purchase a wreath of flowers in the 1940s or 1950s did the practice of buying flowers become popular, according to Diccie Ipock.
A final example of neighborliness is shown in the story told by Rev. David Cauley at the funeral service of Thurston Toler in July 1986. After the death of Robert J. Fulcher in February 1972, the fields needed cutting under to begin preparing them for spring planting. His son, Jimmy, was too young to perform the duty by himself, and too bereaved to do much plowing. As he worried that his family (a younger brother and his mother) would go hungry, he looked down the road to see Thurston Toler riding on a tractor coming to help plow the soil. For the next few days, Toler helped Fulcher till the land for Spring planting.
Besides being a time of sorrow, death in Caton becomes a time when friends and neighbors show their Christian charity by helping their neighbor when he needs it most. From preparing the body, to building the coffin, to sitting up with the dead, to visiting the bereaved, to preparing food and other such events, the spirit of goodwill pervades when it is needed most.